


Your forever is all that I need

by leoliz



Category: Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 18:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3701937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoliz/pseuds/leoliz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin couldn't stand his father anymore and needed his best friend once more in life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your forever is all that I need

**Author's Note:**

> So... uhm. That's my first work online and i don't know what to say at least. The idea relate to the [chap from imnotmadeofeyes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3685191) and I'm really proud of myself that I had made it. But at first... I have to thank the wonderful Katha that she read all my shit and beta'ed this chap, that she is always so patient with me and all my... mistakes i made. You know this one's is for you and I know that you will love our ideas once more. I couldn't be more thankful for that! THANK YOU FOR THAT HONEY!
> 
> So... have fun and maybe you could leave me some feedback.

Kellin hadn't said a word for hours now. He couldn't say anything but he cried over and over again. Quiet tears prickled in his eyes, stained over his cheeks and sometimes he had to sob, so he cuddled a little bit closer to Justin. It was good that his friend was always there, always there to protect him and Kellin didn't know what he would do without him. For years Justin was his little lifesaver, the person who knew everything about him and who was there whenever Kellin needed him. It was natural to both of them, although it was a little bit unusual that Kellin didn't say a word for hours. But today was different. His father had gotten out of control and Kellin couldn't remember if he had seen him like that in the last years. Everything was too much and it reached the point that Kellin didn't know if he could survive now; it made him sob one more time.

Hours went by and Kellin couldn't find the strength to say something, neither could he do anything. He laid there, in Justin's arms, felt secure and safe even though his heart still beat too fast and hard while the fear was still there. Sometimes, cold shivers ran down his back when he closed his eyes and the pictures appeared in his head again. He could hear the words his father said earlier, could hear the hate and all the things his father compensated in the beats and the violence against the young boy. Kellin wanted to say something, he wanted to tell Justin about today, but for now he couldn't. He tried to calm down, find a little bit of peace again. Still, his whole body hurt and made it difficult to find a comfortable position. With Justin, everything was more comfortable than it would be with others in his place or all alone. Kellin took another deep breath, could smell Justin and relaxed a little bit more in his arms, before he hid his head a little bit more in Justin's neck.

“I thought he wanted to rape me, Jus.” Minutes went by until the words came out of his mouth. His voice was hoarse, broken and wrecked from all the crying and the screaming earlier. It was a really really bad day and it was going to be one of the days Kellin wouldn't forget for the rest of his life. His fingers grabbed Justin's shirt tighter, pulled him a little bit closer to him before another sob left his throat. He could remember everything from earlier today and it was horrible to see it again – even though it only happened in his head. But this made things worse and it wasn't something Kellin wanted to see right now. He wanted to forget it and he didn't want to think about it anytime soon. He wished he could just erase the day out of his life – forever and always.

“I don't think that he would have stopped... It was... different to all the times before. He didn't stop, not as he saw the cut on my temple or my lip... he didn't stop at all, Justin...”, Kellin murmured, words muffled against Justin's neck, and shivered once more in the moment the memories came back. He didn't want them, he still wanted to forget them all, so he shook his head a little in the attempt to lose all the memories. He took another deep breath before he opened his eyes, but he didn't look at Justin. Kellin couldn't hold his gaze, full with worries and maybe judgment or pity. He didn't want any of them but he wanted Justin right here. His eyes were fix on Justin's sweatshirt, followed his own fingers as they stroked over the cloth. He was glad Justin hadn't said a word until now. He didn't know if he could go further, if he could tell him more, once Justin replied anything. It was better when he was silent and Justin knew that. The blonde young man knew exactly what Kellin wanted to do and it was the best for him to listen to the other until he finished everything. But he couldn't lie here, doing nothing, so he wrapped his arms again a little tighter around Kellin, showed the other that he was there – like always. Kellin couldn't thank Justin enough for all the things he had done for him over the years now. It was so special, so unique and Kellin didn't know what he would do without the other. He loved him in all the way he could love his best friend. There wasn't something romantic between them, but that was the best love in life and Kellin was happy about that. But it didn't change anything what happened earlier this day and that he was too afraid to go back to his father's.

Kellins body jerked again under the memories that were crashing down on him and it seemed that there was no end for that. Again tears prickled in the corner of his eyes, made him close them and to take another deep and shaky breath before he pushed his forehead against the warm skin of Justin's neck. It was always something which could calm him down a lot, although it didn't work well enough today. But could somebody blame him? Kellin was going through the hell, he couldn't see an end and it was his luck that there were some neighbors on the door which saved him. He was sure his father wouldn't have stopped and his words were so clear, without misunderstandings and the view Kellin had caught had been enough for him to know that this would be the day. But now... he lied here, secure and safe, comfortable enough in Justin's arms. Hours are gone now but Kellin could still feel the cold hands, fingers on his body which made him shiver once more.

“He said, 'If you weren't such a disappointment in life, you would make it to something. You could make it. But every time I see your face, I just know that you're nothing than a freak.'” Kellin started again, his shoulders quivered under another sob he wanted to hold back but failed to once more. “He slapped me, one time, two times, again and again. After 14 I stopped counting... It was... I don't know. You know... sometimes, he had beaten me only a few times, stopped in the moment he saw something, a black eye... or a bruise or something, you know?”, Kellin asked also he didn't expect an answer. Justin nodded lightly, his eyes fixed all the time on Kellin, watching how Kellin would react to the fact that Justin had reacted. But Kellin seemed to be calm enough that it was okay and he wouldn't throw him back in his progress.  
“But today... I don't know what was going on. He pushed me against the wall again and again, he didn't let go of me, he slapped me again and again, and I could barely move. And then...”, Kellin sobbed once more, closed his eyes in a miserable attempt to forget about that. But it didn't work.

“What happened then, Kells?” Justin whispered, barely loud enough for Kellin to hear him. His fingers stroked through the dark and still wet hair gently, tried to calm him down once more, even though he knew that it was difficult for Kellin to be calm. Justin couldn't imagine how hard it must be for his friend to tell him that and to live through all that again. It was hard enough that it had happened, but now he had go through it again – it didn't matter that it seemed that he wanted to tell it. Maybe Kellin couldn't keep it a secret, couldn't keep it to himself. He had to tell someone and both of them knew that someone was Justin. It had always been him and it would always be. Also, they knew that it helped when Kellin told Justin what happened at home. Every time Kellin had a breakdown in Justin's arms, it seemed that it wouldn't get better; but after he let it all out, he could calm down, he could get over it.

“He... It happened so fast, Justin. He ripped off my shirt, he didn't hesitate at all, no matter how much I screamed, begged that he should stop. He didn't hear it! He didn't give a fuck that I cried in front of him, that I couldn't stand on my own feet anymore. He pushed me down on the ground, grabbed tightly in my hair, made me to look at him and it was... Horrible isn't the right word for that...” Kellin cringed before he shook his head a little bit. He was glad that Justin pulled him a little closer, so he could snuggle against his chest, his body once more. He buried his face in his neck and couldn't hold on the tears any longer. He had been so scared, so fucking scared in the moment he saw the expression in his father's face, as he saw...

“He was so drunk, Justin. So fucking drunk. I can't remember to have seen him like that ever before. He was so fucking drunk, but also there was a fucking bulge in his pants! He was turned on...” Kellin sickened at the memories which came up again in his mind. It was so... his father had never taken this step. He'd beaten him, nearly once a week, but he had never made a move in this direction. “In the moment he pulled his belt out of his pants and drew it over my back, I really believed it was the end. I couldn't see a tomorrow, Jus...” Kellin cried quietly in Justin's neck and grabbed his sweatshirt tighter to find something to hold onto. “I knew what he wanted to do. He said it, Justin. He said it... clearly. But then... the door rang and rang again... and again. For a moment he did a pause, he hesitated and I could see that he wanted to tie me up, but we were in the living room... I mean – everybody could see us there through the window, you know? Or if anyone would have come in... you know, our hall isn't as big as yours and so... ” Kellin didn't know where he found the strength to continue talking. His voice cracked here and there and he had to make some little breaks, but he wanted to tell the whole story. He wanted to tell Justin, to share his harm in a way he could do this only with Justin.

“He wanted to push me back up the stairs, but I couldn't stand on my feet anymore. Another hit and I tried once more, managed to climb a few stairs so I would be out of the way and nobody could see me”, Kellin murmured and shivered again as he had to think of the moment one of the neighbors saved his life. He didn't know how he had found the strength to take the last steps. His body had been hurting so fucking much – it still did, but a few hours earlier he had barely been able to move anything. Maybe it had been his fear that made it possible, maybe the adrenalin which cursed through his whole body and put him into auto-mode to save his own life.  
“He glared at me once more before he was gone. He opened the door and I couldn't wait any longer. I made it up to my room, took a new sweatshirt and my jacket, grabbed my phone and in the moment I heard the footsteps on the stairs, I scrambled out of my window... and you know... failed like I always failed.” Kellin was a little helpless to all the things which involved moving or athletic behavior. He was a little bit clumsy and that was the reason he tried not to scramble out of his window too often. Every time he had done it before he had hurt himself – by now, he laughed with Justin about some of those stunts. It was a part of his personality and it was one of the rare parts Kellin liked because there had never been any major problems with that before.

“I don't know how... but he managed to grab my hair, he wanted to pull me back. but in a last attempt managed to hit him. I mean really. I hit him, Justin!” Kellin was still surprised how he had managed this but in the end it didn't matter. His voice was still hoarse and broken, but a little bit louder than before. “I split his skin, I think. I mean, I didn't really see anything, but suddenly there was blood on his lips and he just let go of me... Can you believe this?” Kellin asked and it was the first time he lifted his head. His eyes caught Justin's and he could see a little bit of pride in his eyes, couldn't he? But Justin couldn't say a word because Kellin started again to continue. “I could see the surprise on his face and you know what? I was proud of myself for a moment. But in the next, he didn't hesitate once more, he wanted to slap me again, but for the first time I could stand against him, I was faster than him and climbed through the window finally – not to hurt myself.”, Kellin told Justin, the sobs were gone, the tears were left on his cheeks. Although he wasn't in the best mood, he was hurt so much that he could barely move and the fear was still right there, he felt a little bit better now that he told Justin.

“I mean... I will pay for it sooner or later...” Kellin shrugged a little bit and looked up to Justin. They had been laying here for hours now and Kellin hadn't been able to meet his eyes, but now he could look up to Justin, could catch his gaze and hold it for a few seconds before he curled into his arms once more. Justin was here for him, listened to his horrible little story and hadn't said anything until now. Usually, they would kiss now or they had already, but Kellin couldn't stand his touches or his kisses now. His body hurt too much, he was bruised all over, but at least Kellin couldn't see the look on Justin's face in the moment he saw all of them. He was glad that there were clothes which hid most of them and that he could snuggle his head in Justin's neck again.

“Hey, look at me, Kells.” Justin's quiet voice cut through the silence in his room, before he put his hands on Kellin's cheeks gently. He made him to look at him, in a friendly, soft way before he pushed him a little bit into the mattress, so he could hover over him. “You should go to the police, Kellin. I told you so. What if he loses control again and the next time you don't get anyone who can save you? It has to stop, now!" Justin's words were quiet, but Kellin could hear all the worries Justin had and will ever have. But Kellin couldn't go to the police. He couldn't. His father would murder him for that and if he wouldn't be able to do that himself, he would find someone who could do it for him. That much was for sure and it was the reason Kellin hadn't to the police already.  
“NO!” he screamed in fear, his eyes wide and in the next second he pushed Justin away from him. “I CAN'T AND YOU KNOW THAT!” Kellin screamed once more, wondered where he got the strength from, but it didn't matter in the end. Without thinking and without hesitation, he climbed over Justin, out of the bed and ignored the pain which cursed through his veins within seconds. “Why you can't accept that? Every time you tell me that I have to go to the police. But I can't and you know why!” Kellin focused on Justin, his breath went heavy although he didn't do all that much. But the day had been too much for Kellin, he'd gotten too many bruises, too many memories, and he wasn't able to stand such stressful situations.

“Kellin calm down, please.” Justin asked, his voice quiet as ever before he got up, took the few steps to Kellin, but the boy took a step back himself.  
“Don't.” Kellin held up his hands, wanted to show Justin that he shouldn't go further. “What do you think you could do that, huh? Every time you told me that, every fucking time I told you that I couldn't. And that I wouldn't. I don't want to be murdered, okay?” Kellin was a little out of control, couldn't hold on his emotions also he wanted to do nothing more but lie back in Justin's arms, cuddle with him, let him do whatever he wanted to do to make feel him better. But the fear was too big that he could believe Justin. Over the years, he had believed in the words his father said just because they had always always been true. His father stayed true to his word and it didn't matter what it was. He would see that someone would catch Kellin, that someone else would make his life a living hell.  
“But you could stay here! I'm here for you and I would be there!” Justin fought back, furrowed his eyebrows together, but didn't make any move on top of that. Kellin was exhausted, he wasn't himself anymore; also, he was so weak and helpless. It hurt Justin once more to see his best friend in such a state. He wanted to help him, he wanted to calm him down, even though it was his fault that Kellin jumped off the bed.

“You know him. It doesn't matter. It would just mean he would have to murder both of us and that...” Kellin trailed off before the tears started streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't deal with this anymore. He couldn't deal with the thought that anyone could hurt Justin because of him, yet alone murder him. That was too much for Kellin and he didn't think twice about it as he closed the gap between them and crashed his lips into Justin's. It was already long past midnight, it was deep night outside and Kellin couldn't think about anything but Justin anymore. The feeling was overwhelming, made him dizzy although that could also come from all the beating he'd gotten earlier. His arms wrapped around Justin's neck and he forgot about all the bruises all over his body as his hands grabbed Justin's hair a little tighter so he could pull him a little closer to himself.

Kellin was lost in all the ways he could possibly be. His father destroyed him, his father drove him crazy every time he did something to Kellin, pushed him into depression more and more; and then there was Justin. Justin, the young man – a teenager like Kellin was – and his lifesaver. Kellin couldn't be more thankful that he had a person like him in his life and he didn't know what he had done without him all the years before. But for now he knew exactly what he wanted and what he needed and Justin didn't need to be told twice. His arms held Kellin, lifted him up a little bit before they went to the bed, sank down on it so Kellin could forget everything what had happened today and tonight. Their little fight was forgotten, too. For the moment they were lost in each other and both of them knew that sleep would have to wait for them a little longer.


End file.
